Charles Saatchi is the first subject of the BBC's new arts series, but everyone knows it's really about Alan Yentob putting himself in the spotlight, says Caitlin Moran
He is a millionaire Iraqi dictator who gained his power by brainwashing a nation. He has a fearsome temper. He likes monumental artworks to be associated with him. One of his friends even says, proudly: “He’s incredibly talented at hangings.” The only difference between Saddam Hussein and Charles Saatchi, however, is that Saatchi would never have given a tu’penny ha’penny interview to Tony Benn on the ITV news in the lead-up to the recent war. Indeed, as we discover in Alan Yentob’s unexpectedly interesting documentary, The Saatchi Phenomenon, the first in the new Imagine series on BBC One, until this very programme, only three seconds of television footage of Saatchi existed. This news — delivered in the context that Yentob has scored a considerable coup by getting Saatchi to agree to being filmed — immediately raises expectations that Saatchi, when he finally appears, is going to loom up as glamorous and fantastical as a yeti in a swimsuit, and shock us more than Sarah Lucas’s fried egg t***.
Of course, when Saatchi does finally appear — wandering around his new Saatchi Gallery on the South Bank a few weeks before opening, and, as promised, going “left a bit, right a bit” in a very committed way, which I presume is part of the process of being “incredibly talented at hanging” — he’s just a fat man in a pair of pegged trousers and a short-sleeved shirt, smoking ciggies and calling his partner, Nigella Lawson, “Petal”.
In the documentary that follows — which is essentially a high-class gossip-fest with the occasional shark in formaldehyde — we learn that Saatchi is inseparable from his short-sleeved shirt, that he used to get so enraged at Saatchi and Saatchi that he threw chairs at his brother Maurice’s head, and that Damien Hirst’s shark smells of fish. It all bodes well for the rest of the Imagine series, which covers the sculptor Barbara Hepworth, some Cuban ballet dancer whom you’ve never heard of, but who looks very cool, a think piece on hip-hop culture and Stella McCartney’s video diary.
Of course, the main focus of interest in Imagine isn’t really the subjects, however many gossipy nuggets are revealed about them — it’s Yentob’s leap over the desk from management to presenting. It generally seems to be considered slightly “off” — like Sir Alex Ferguson running angrily on to the pitch and scoring a goal after David Beckham has fallen over. Myself, I simply don’t have a problem with suits presenting programmes — from the audience’s point of view, you just want the most powerful, persuasive and well-connected person possible to be out there getting the goods. It’s why I truly hope that the next pope is a bit of a televisual wannabe. Previously, the only person who would have been able to persuade people such as the reclusive Saatchi and Stella McCartney to reveal themselves would have been Elton John’s partner David Furnish, who did a notoriously fluffy series on fashion designers last year for Channel 4. The investigative highlight of this was Furnish telling Donatella Versace: “You are amazing and you make people feel amazing — you know that?”
In this context, the worst that could be said of Yentob is that he is the highbrow David Furnish — while not averse to a bit of gossip and flattery himself, he still has a good journalistic eye for jazzing up a dry subject, his presenting style is quiet and unflashy — a bit like having a koala bear chatting to you — and if what it takes to get a new arts strand on BBC One is having it presented by the former controller of BBC Two, then so be it. Yentob has delivered the goods. And I should imagine his expenses claims go through without too many hitches as well.
Imagine, Wednesday, BBC One, 10.35pm; Wales, 11.05pm
CV: Alan Yentob
Born March 11, 1947
Background His parents were Jewish immigrants from Iraq. His father ran a successful textile firm in Manchester
Big break After joining the BBC as a trainee in 1968, he was given the chance to edit the award-winning Omnibus in 1973
Having a laugh As head of BBC Two, he commissioned Absolutely Fabulous and Have I Got News For You
Day job Appointed the BBC’s Director of Drama, Entertainment and Children’s Programmes in 2000
Still finds time to . . . Chair the ICA
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